WORK OUT YOUR LOVE O!

  Dear Married Friend,

I know it has been a while, but I hope you've been good. Is there any lesson you'd like to teach me? Well, I am in the comment section to get the full gist.

DMF, the Holy Spirit has done it again. Another scripture will not remain the same. James 2:17 says:

Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

Sincerely, I learned this lesson when my husband’s and I’s relationship was growing cold. I know you may be thinking, "every time can't be mushy-mushy na"? And you will not be wrong. However, the serpent is right outside, waiting for that crack to bite. Also, around that time, I spoke to a couple of people who had gotten used to "living" with their spouses. Na...I don't think marriage was designed to be so.

LESSONS LEARNED

What is Faith? Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen - Hebrews 11:1 (by the way, if you didn't quote that scripture off the top of your head, raise your hand for deliverance in the comment section😂). Faith is not seen, but we can say it is the certainty that we will see. I don't know if that makes sense 😄, but let's go on. It is your faith that makes you believe and receive.

Now, do you agree that faith, just like love, is not seen? Great! We will come back to this.

James, however, in James 2:17 introduces works. In the preceding verses, he says:

Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. And one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?

Works move beyond the intent of the heart. Work is the action. And what else is an action? Yep, LOVE. Are you getting the full picture?

LOVE WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD

"She knows I love her" is not enough! "Hubby knows I will never love another" is not enough! We can't keep believing, "faithing" that our spouse knows we love them. We have to show it - works. Let me help you see it more clearly again with James 2:15-16:

Suppose your wife or husband is without strength and food. And you say to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do nothing to help them with their physical needs. What good is that?

Shebi you don see am? Loving your spouse is a deliberate effort to put in the work and show love. Assuming your partner knows that you love them without you expressing it with your actions is dangerous. In fact, if you check properly, "na see finish" or "pride" and as a baby of the Lord that you are, you should have neither of them.

WORK IT OUT

A little birdie told me that our wonderful brothers suffer this challenge the most. But I can quite frankly tell you that I have met sisters who don't know but have also swarmed into that danger zone. Thank God for always "...making a way to escape" (1 Corinthians 10:13). 

Let me share the way of escape the Holy Spirit shared with me: Thoughts, Words, and Deeds.

Let's start with Thoughts.

 Have you ever imagined how you will respond to someone or a question? You probably even rehearsed it over and over again in your head that you actually do it without knowing? That's how powerful our thoughts are. We are a product of what we think. Our words and actions are a product of our thoughts. That is why Paul said:

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

If you think in line with Philippians 4:8 about your spouse during work, you will be excited to get home or even want to hear their voice during the day. You can even send them a text or get them a gift. But the thought has to be lovely, praiseworthy, a good report, honest, and true thoughts, not about all the wrong things they've done.

Words.

I've heard a couple of people say, "I don't know how to say 'I love you.'" I always tell them it's a lie. More often than not when you probe deeper, they have intentionally told themselves that they never will either because of pride or "see finish." 😉 Again, you shouldn't have those traits.

Now, I am not disregarding the peculiar people who perhaps had an experience that made it difficult for them to express themselves. The good news though is that you can prayerfully and intentionally get in touch with that part of you. You can start by writing, e.g., "I love you" as a text message and not having to say it with your mouth. But believe me, your spouse needs to hear that appreciation: "Thank you," "Well done," "You look good today," "I miss you," "Can't wait to see you," "I am sorry" every once in a while, and not every time, "what are we eating today?"😜

Proverbs 16:24

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and healthy to the bones.

Actions.

This is my favorite because I can't talk about action without sex. 😂 Yes, top of the list is good-good sex, but that's not all. Gifts (don't have to be expensive), helping out with a chore, driving your partner to a meeting, going out on a date, trying something new for their sake, a kiss every morning or before bed, sending the kids to granny for the weekend... I can go on and on.

Matthew 6:20

Wherefore by their fruits, ye shall know them.

Your spouse wants to know how you feel. They want to see you bear those fruits that remind them about the love of Jesus. They want to be able to experience your love, and what better way than actions that speak more than a thousand words.

COASTING HOME

Faith and love without works are dead, my friend. Maybe the steps to take seem like a burden, but thank God that his "yoke is easy, and the burden is light." Little baby-conscious and consistent steps will go a long way to rekindle that love and keep its flames burning.

How about we try out a challenge?

• 10 days of good thoughts about your spouse.
• 10 days of appreciation messages.
• 10 days of acts of kindness.

That is a whole month of a lot of intentional loving. 

I will be waiting to hear how it goes. I can be your accountability partner. Send me a DM on IG @kitispeaks if you are up for it. 

Lots of Love,

From another married friend.