Dear Married Friend, Hold that thought!

 Dear Married Friend,

The first time I saw him, I saw his muscle, his built chest, his white smile on his smooth dark skin. Then I heard the words that capped it all “You look really beautiful”. I didn’t fall that day but I took note. It registered somewhere in my “oblongata”. When I get to the office, I would look at myself in the mirror with a broad smile on my cheek. Yep, I looked good today. But my words of affirmation were not enough for me because my eyes searched for him. My heart waited for his seemly harmless compliments. I would grin from ear to ear as soon as I heard the words my heart longed for.

Then one day ...

Do you remember 1 Corinthians 6:19-20?  

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your body.

Wait! You didn't dishonour God? You didn't sleep with him or did you? 😔 We will come back to this gist later. 

DMF, let me ask you this; If my body is a temple according to 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 and many other scriptures, doesn't it mean I have a high priest? The high priest has a responsibility for the temple. To take care of it, manage its accounts and perform other religious functions. There are sections of the temple not everyone, in fact, not every priest could go into; "the holy of holies". Before you were married, you were completely God's temple and He was your Chief High Priest. When you got married, guess who He handed over the High Priest role to? Your spouse 1 Corinthians 7:4 I hope you are getting this gist?

God is very protective about what he owns. Check out what he says in 1 Corinthians 3:16-17:

 Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

 My people have an adage that says "na from clap dem take dey enter dance". When we talk about sexual immorality, we often think it starts and ends with adultery and fornication. Nope, there is more! Biblically, sexual immorality is any sexual activity that takes place outside the confines of marriage. This includes fornication, adultery, lust, pornography, homosexuality, public nudity etc.  In the New Testament, Paul adds licentiousness (driven by lust; preoccupied with or exhibiting lustful desires), putting oneself under the control of sexual urges, and lewdness (involving or being sexual conduct that is considered indecent or offensive) Ephesians 4:19, which largely deals with liberal attitudes towards sexual matters. Jesus made the rope tighter in Matthew 5:27-28. Looking, fantasizing, and mental lip licking is a no-no.

 “You know the next commandment pretty well, too: ‘Don’t go to bed with another’s spouse.’ But don’t think you’ve preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those ogling looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt (MSG)

So, let me ask you - The compliment that got you tingling and looking for more, was this from your high priest? The man who held your waist in the office, is he your high priest? The hot maybe married Sunday school teacher you keep dressing to impress, is he your high priest? The lady everyone calls your office girlfriend, is she your high priest? Your colleague in the office whom you consistently and jokingly compliment their physique (shape, muscle, chest, height, laugh etc)...are you their high priest? Are these people even worthy to be playing around with your temple (body and emotions)?

What am I saying? It starts with a little joke, a side talk “the two of you look good together”, a careless touch, a regular activity “let’s have lunch together”, or a play that went too far. Maybe it means nothing to you both but what about for the sake of the gospel to those around you, your kids, your spouse, and your relationship with God? You'll be kidding yourself if you think God doesn't mind PROVERBS 28:9

Before we go into what we can do, I must quickly say that you should cast away any blame game - it's my partners' fault, it's my place of work, it's my emotions - cast them aside and be ready to repent and put in the work. 

What can we do?

1. DROP THE PRETENCE: Stop giving it various names. Stop justifying it in your head. Don't make excuses for this behaviour. Don't think your partner is "old school" or nagging for complaining about this friend or your behaviour. Call it what it is - SIN. Facing reality helps you take the next step.

2. REPENT: This step starts with recognizing that we are sinners. That we have been wrong and disrespectful to our partner who is joined to us in body and soul. We have also disrespected God and disobeyed his commandment. Speak to God about this and also talk to your partner as well. 

3. RETURN TO DEFAULT SETTING: This is only possible by the renewal of your mind Romans 12:2  By constantly studying God's words and listening to the Holy Spirit. You'll find that you become better each day, living a life that is pleasing to God and making your spouse super proud. 

 

I know you want to know what happened in my story 😂 Well, thank God for the Holyspirit o! 

Of course, I had to tell myself the truth because I was getting really close to the ground. Perhaps, it may never have brought us to share a bed together but lust… lust already had one leg in the door. I spoke to my husband immediately about this "friend of mine", and then we had a new pact that he seriously had to learn how to compliment me and not only look out for what was wrong with my dressing (whose partner is on this table?) and I... I conditioned my heart to beat only for my one true love and set boundaries. If you are on this table, you may want to do this too right away.

 However, if you disagree, I will be right here in the comment section to learn from you. If you have some experience, I will love to hear it too. 

Lots of love💖, 

From another married friend.