A.S.K (The Secret of Za Oza Room)

Dear Married Friend (DMF), 

A few nights ago, as I lay on my bed, the very popular scripture "ask and ye shall receive" popped into my head. Then the discussion began. 

Disclaimer: Before I continue, biko, if you are not 18+, this blog post is not for you yet. Shame dey even catch me to write this post but I am only a messenger. Ehn, let's continue!  

Indeed the discussion began. I was laughing hard to myself and kept on asking the Holy Spirit, why exactly we were having this conversation with Matthew 7:7😄.  Let me remind you what it says: 

Matthew 7:7 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

This popular scripture however helped me as a child to understand that our heavenly father gives good gifts and answers prayers if we follow the Matthew 7:7 principle. It was one of those scriptures that helped build our faith in God. 

Now imagine how weird it felt when the Holy Spirit used this scripture to teach me about SEX. Like, I couldn't relate. Why Matthew 7:7? Now, I will never look at that scripture the same again😏.

LESSONS LEARNT 

Ask, seek and knock are all action words. Action words expect you to do😜; carry out an action. This means that you are expected to make a move (I hope you're gerrin the drift😂). 

A lot of couples are suffering sexually in marriage. I remember when I was getting married, I spoke about sex extensively with my fiance and explained how much I looked forward to it. In fact, I remember saying "bro if there is anything talk now o". I also encouraged him to start reading Christian books on sex. I bought a book myself too that I didn't finish (see my life outside). Just like me, I know Christian single men and women look forward to the experience of  "Za Oza Room".

However, religion, culture, tradition, personalities, and exaggerated expectations may crumble that dream. Sex just becomes another exercise, leaving you unsatisfied and asking "is this it?"

I've got good news, there is more! Let's start with the first rule, ASK.

To ask means to say to (someone) that one wants them to do or give something. There is a lot of magic in asking. and thankfully by the rights of our constitution in Genesis section 2, sub-section 25 that states; "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed", you both have seen it all and there is nothing to be ashamed of. So why haven't you asked?  Ask for sex, ask to change the regular sexual position, ask for a different sex style, ask to know if they would like a second round, ask if your partner was satisfied, ask if they like to be aroused a certain way etc. Sha just ask. Mind you, asking isn't only for the man. Women listen, you have a right to ask too💪. 

How do you ask? Via texts, body language, playfully, saying it outrightly, music ete. Anything that will communicate the message, use. Remember "a closed mouth doesn't get fed".

Let's go to the next: SEEK 

Google says seek means: attempt to find (something). Couples, know thy partner. A lot of us don't know about our partner's bodies. You have never bothered to find that part of him/her that is the actual "mumu button". Ah! You didn't know the "mumu button" is real? You've got to find it! Seek it. The beauty of understanding your spouse's body and emotion is that you know just what to do and when to do it to get them in the mood even without asking.

Guess what? It can be as simple as cuddling, sharing a bath, a massage, sharing jokes, watching a nice movie, a few play with the pleasure points etc. 

Sincerely with seeking, you have to know your partner to use this tool. So start exploring and find what gets your partner kicking. Come on explorers, find that gold!

Whew, we are almost there. KNOCK

Omo, when I checked for the meaning of this word on google, I burst into laughter. Kai, the eyes of my understanding is indeed open 😅. Google says knock means: striking a surface noisily to attract attention, especially when waiting to be let in through a door or collide with (someone or something), giving them a hard blow.

I think Google has helped us explain what the Holy Spirit wants to say😄. See, to get that door opened every time you knock, you have to start getting better at getting your partner satisfied. As much as possible, you don't want to leave them hanging. You've got to learn to "do the do" right.

Rule number 1, no blue films, please. That's not what I am talking about. Talk after or even during sex. Did you like it? This sex style did it make sense or na? Let's do more foreplay...talkkkkk. That way, you can get better in bed. Do you know the Holy Spirit can even inspire you with moves while in action? 😊 

Find out what your partner likes and try it out. Drop your pride and remember that you two have become one. Trust me, it feels good when you know you gave your partner a good time in bed.

Most importantly, Rome wasn't built in a day. Give your partner the opportunity to grow sexually to match your skills and knowledge because our type of love is patient and kind - 1Corithians 13:4-9.

AS A FINAL NOTE...

Sex was created by God for you to enjoy in marriage not endure.  1 Corinthians 7:3 also asked me to remind you that it is your duty to ensure that you meet your partners' sexual needs. 

The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.

 Proverbs 5:18-19 made it even more interesting:

Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.

DMF, your sexual life can be better but you have to be INTENTIONALLY COMMITTED to achieving the desired result (again, this is for married couples only).  I know this letter may not answer all your questions but friend, The Holy Spirit is still the best teacher. Ask him for help, seek a Christian counsellor if needed but get that "Oza Room" on fire again. 

Lots of love💖, 

From another married friend. 

P.S - I am in the comment section if you want to add or have questions.